Quispiam Novus 2008: The Start of Something New

Ok, here goes.

It all started with a dream. A dream that was inspired by a movie/musical, recommended by one of my brothers. This same dream also carries my aspirations for this choir. To experience the joy of music making. To be educated in the art of choral singing. To sing with passion. To develop lifeskills and good character through this thing we love to do.

I was selfish. Most of the song choices were my favourite songs. But I wanted them to sing my favourite songs. Because I think they deserve to sing my favourite songs. I want to share them, with them. Because they are all so important to me, choir and the music.

I knew preparation for the musical would be tough, especially with my obsession for perfection. But I only wanted the best for them, nothing less.

I didn't want it to be just any concert or musical, I wanted it to be one that'd be remembered. For life. Mine and theirs. And hopefully others, who became part of it, either as helpers, supporters or audience.

I was demanding. And we were short of time. It was my bad that I had to be away for a crucial part of it all but I had no choice. And they probably wouldn't know how much they dominated my thoughts throughout the entire period of absence.

In retrospection, I could have started preparation earlier, I could have done more before I went overseas, I could have done so much more, to ensure that they were better prepared.

But I am thankful. For the kind of kids I've in my company. Strong and resilient, dedicated and committed, hardworking and passionate. What could I have done, without them. What could I have done for them, without knowing I have a passionate team supporting me in this.

The results were rewarding. But the process was the one to remember. The last week of rehearsals was hell. But somehow, we made it. Despite all odds apparently.

And somehow, I was hit by a certain profound realization.

When I felt extremely vulnerable, from the jetlag, weakened immune system and all the nasty things invading my system, I found the strength to walk somehow.

When I lost my voice, and I felt hopeless, hapless and alone, I found an inner voice and somehow, the endurance to speak through the pain.

When I have finally exhausted all means to improve the situation, reached the end of the road, I found new hope. I took a chance and miraculously, my voice came back. To me, it was a sign that I must finish what I've originally sought out to do. I must give my kids something amazing to remember. An experience they'd never forget. A story they could always tell their friends, and children perhaps.

What have I realized?

The strength, endurance and the miracle happened because of the kids. Otherwise, I wouldn't have survived the pain I was biting my teeth through and the amount of stress that was mercilessly weighing down my shoulders.

I realized that I am indeed, a goon who readily throws himself into the burning cauldron without considering whether the heat might be too hot for me to handle. But I know, I do this because it is for people I'm responsible for, people I care for, people I love.

For that was the reason why I simply couldn't conceal and withhold my....emotions, as hard as I tried to, when the good man "exposed" this idiocy in me to the choir. It resonated strongly within me, stirring my deepest feelings and thoughts. This is a man, hard to come by, especially so as he not only shares my sentiment, conviction, dedication to the kids, and also my philosophy for music and education.

Anyways, I'm kindda proud of being this goon that I am haha. =)

Having said that though, I'm more proud of my kids. I beam like an idiot everytime someone congratulated me on the successful concert and I responded saying "Thanks, it was my kids credit yea, all done by them."

This is not just any concert to me.
It is my first full concert as a choral director.
It is very special, I don't know if anyone could comprehend how much it means to me, but I'm so glad so glad I did this with them.

This is the start of something new. Something real and meaningful. That's my hope for them.

My beloved Anglican High School choir, I know, when there was ME and YOU and in our bones, we knew we're all in this together, in our souls we will find the strength, fortitude and perseverance as we are breaking free from status quo for the start of something new is what WE've been looking for.

Quispiam Novus
----------------------14th April 2008-------------------------------

More to come. Collecting my thoughts and emotions.

I'm so proud of my kids.


That's why it took us so long to decide on the name of the concert. It is meant to remembered by many, and meant to last. I hope it will, with or without me.