Relationship (the romantic lovey dovey kind..)
Alrite despite garnering only 4 responses to my previous post, I shall reopen this blog! My 4 ardent fans shall witness history in the making! bwahahahahah! (can't believe i just said that..childish...duh)
ok now moving on to something more serious, I want to blog about the above mentioned:
All of what follows are purely my personal opinion and take on the subject. It may or may not resonate with your views or your personal experience. Feel free to respond!
Having been engaged in a grand total of 2 serious relationships to date (yea yea some of you guys might be raising an eyebrow or two now..but yea i'm being totally honest here..), I believe I'm a guru in analyzing this thing call "a relationship". But I'm not gonna write a paper on that today. Instead, I'd write, from a retrospective/reflective point of view.
A relationship to me is about commitment, dedication and most fundamentally, love.
I know there're many theories about what love really is, altruistic in its purest form but most often if not ONLY found in its lesser variations.
Despite being commonly portrayed as a player or a person who fools around (or shows the natural tendency to), I am conversely a person who is staunchly devoted to the person I fall in love with. And there could only be one at any one time.
The thing about me is, I go into a r/s willing to sacrifice almost anything I possibly could. When I fall in love I fall deep. Like what my buddies always say, I fall "head over heels over head over heels over head.." you get the idea.
The more I compromise on my personal lifestyle for the person I am going into a relationship with, the deeper my commitment towards this person burrows. To the extent of which I wonder if I've lost myself, sometimes.
Now if you're mistaken, the love remains steadfast, it only gets stronger and deeper. However, the sense of "self" weakens.
Upon reaching this "phase", I'd start to ask myself questions like:
Why should I compromise further?
Why should the other person compromise?
Does the other person love me as much as I do?
etc etc etc
Are these signs of insecurity I ask myself. Nope is usually the answer. And I continue to ponder for the answer.
Just a couple of days ago while showering, something hit me (not literally getting hit by something something if you are booboo and doesn't understand the use of metaphors..).
I am feeling insecure about myself or rather what I have become or what I am going to be.
By compromising on things I feel strongly for, things I am passionate about, things I enjoy doing in the name of galvanizing the relationship (to me, galvanizing a r/s = keeping my partner happy), I have lost a part of me that has defined who I am or at least who I used to be. Do I resent this change? I don't know. Am I accepting this transition if it is inevitable? I don't know.
I reckon I want to be both Terrence the man he was and Terrence the boyfriend/husband/partner/daddy. Would this ever be possible? If so, how can I attain this seemingly impossible balance between the 2 identities?
Alrite! I want to hear your comments and I want to read about your personal take on the same issue!
Thus I am TAGGING the following people:
1. everyone who has posted a comment to my previous entry heh heh.
2. everyone and anyone who reads my blog! (don't be a voyeur leave your blog addy here as a comment!)
posted by terrrrrrr at 1:24 PM
19 Comments:
muahahaha i must be the first person to read it...
i shall post my thoughts ON MY BLOG, which my own loyal readers frequent.
~y~
2:19 PM
you trapped me into leaving a comment and hence posting on my own blog. haha, okay cool, now i don't have to think about what to blog.
popartgirl[dot]wordpress[dot]com
3:11 PM
before i finished reading the fourth para, i burst out laughing for who knows why. and throughout the whole post i dun think i got anything. but yea i do know wad metaphors are~
weijie
frostchew.blogspot.com
4:46 PM
sorry, this is a very personal issue about which I will refrain from blogging on my public blog...
But I have responded nevertheless, find me if you can...hurhur.
10:34 PM
you trapped me!
ask me to come visit your blog and now i have to answer this.
9:02 AM
growing together, and in ur own ways. that's what i see a relationship as. maybe u haven't lost urself, instead found another you. and you've just got to find that. :)
8:06 AM
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
6:51 PM
i agree with jiahui (i dont know who she is), both parties will grow spiritually emotionally (financially heh). love only makes you more sure of your self, or at least confident of the identity you take pride in...maybe uncertainty sets in when you elevate her above yourself, it happens
7:05 PM
i'm hardly qualified to comment on this issue, but i wouldn't see it as a loss of 'self'. i think you can only grow with the choices you make, the priorities you've decided for yourself. it's another adventure, so why not embrace it? that talent is yours, and i'm sure the doors are always open to you. =)
mt
11:22 PM
mr toh! u r back! i heard u're teaching in a jc???
i'm hsien lee. from csschoir. if u can remember. =)
12:13 AM
wow not bad..more ppl reading my blog now..hahaha
hsien>>hi there how've u been =)
mich>>well..what talent are u talking about? that of compromising? haha
weijie>>glad you found joy in my post haha
joel>>I demand you respond to my tag on your blog!!!!
the rest>> thanks for responding!! leave your blog addy cmon!
3:55 PM
"galvanizing a r/s = keeping my partner happy"
This is very sweet Terr. I reckon losing part of what was you is alright, as long as you'd reckon the gain, to be much more.
The above motto you carry, is common amongst couples during their courtship times. Unfortunately, this sentiment dwindles as time passes, causing relationships to stale and perhaps, die off into a mere commitment. Your style of loving is precious. Don't ever lose it.
and I like what Jiahui said =) Who knows, the new you might be more pleasant than who you were heee
11:01 AM
Wah so many people who know me personally are commenting on this blog. Read between the lines... hah..
12:35 AM
I believe each person loves differently, and everyone has his/her own love capacity. My 100% dedication may not match your 80% love, but it's all I have to give. There is no sense in questioning who's giving more or less in the r/s--ask whether u r giving this love your all.
U learn to love and appreciate the ways your partner expresses love. U learn tt his/her weekly calls reflect a greater love than your daily emails. U may yearn for more calls, more hugs, more kisses, more words, but u live in bliss of being loved truly and completely, so u love more and give more, and u get more in return. But lose the guy/gal if their 100% will nv be enuff for u.
Catch is, love grows, then there's more to give everyday... so at which point do u say "That's it baby, I've given my share, your turn to step up?"
Altruistically, the lover feels happy doing things to make the other happy. Returns are not expected but will be sorely missed if nonexistent. While effort is reqd to maintain a r/s, ultimately, love is the fuel for your dedications and hard work. It's not a compromise if u feel happy making her happy. It's love, inspired =)
True love inspires change becoz u want to be a better person to her, for her.
3:46 AM
love is a special feeling that is only shared between the couple. you will somehow know and feel that kind of bond built. it's because of love which is what that makes us to be willing to do something for the partner. i guessed feeling insecure at times might not be a real bad thing. cause we are humans and have emotions that wavers. i believe trust is e pillar of a relationship. hahas.
2:43 AM
I nearly lost myself once. giving and giving in so much that i no longer had my own tots and my own voice. i missed my old self. after two years of crap, i found myself again. i believe that u can't give of yourself to others unless you are whole. i don't know if i'm there yet, but that's the direction for me.
-sandy
7:30 PM
hmm.. okie la i comment la (dun wanna be labelled as voyeur, since u know from yr clustrmap thingy that theres someone reading from uk… its me la)
4 letter word. hmm... it's all about compromise, isn't it? i never believed that there will be a pair that is prefectly made for each other. theres bound to be a difference in opinion, choice, lifestyle, etc etc.
have to compromise la. but there must be a certain degree of how much u can give in i.e if someone ask me to convert to vegan as a proof of love, i simply cannot. coz i need my meat to keep myself happy. if i dun eat meat, i am not david liao.
okie my analogy very weird, i know. i think its dinner time thats why. better stop blabbering nonsense here. :)
lee da wei
5:35 AM
wah...so chim...however, still meaningful...indeed...mr toh you are a passionate guy!!!:)
11:08 PM
personally, i think everybody asks differently infront of different groups of people. The question is, are you ready to embrace the change. ..
7:09 PM
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